There is no instruction sheet for how to move forward from a tragedy, such as the one unfolding in Lāhainā. The disaster has been declared the nation's deadliest wildfire in more than a century.
At least 99 people are confirmed dead and the majority of the town has not yet been searched for remains.
However, there are gut-wrenching parallels between the fire that leveled Lāhainā and the Camp Fire, which destroyed the town of Paradise, California, and several surrounding communities in 2018. Much like Lāhainā, many residents didn’t get evacuation notices and escaped through the flames. Families waited too long to hear whether their missing loved ones were among those who didn’t survive.
Though no two towns' disasters are the same, some survivors of the Camp Fire feel they are watching a replay of the worst day of their lives. A few shared their experiences in hopes of offering some insight, or at least, understanding.
“You're gonna walk around like a zombie for a long time,” said Sandy Miller, a Paradise resident of 28 years. Miller had lived in the town for decades before losing her home and nearly everything else in the fire.
“I remember going into Target and my hands were on the cart, and I just wasn't moving. I'm just standing there, you know, not knowing what to do, where to go," Miller said.
In the immediate aftermath, she frequented places like Costco, where she knew she might see others from the town.
“Even if you have no purpose to buy anything, go there and be able to see your people,” she said. “Because being able to relate and cry and hold somebody else who knows how you're feeling and what you're going through is so important.”
She said she was floored by the generosity of others, but accepting help can also be challenging.
“I think vulnerability is probably the keyword there too. We all try and be strong, and we try not to be vulnerable and weak, but we are at the epitome of vulnerable and weak,” she said. “Just try and open yourself up to letting people take care of you.”
There are practical things, too. Miller recommended prioritizing the search for long-term housing and keeping all receipts so that insurance, for those who have it, or the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) can reimburse you. She also recommended applying for FEMA disaster assistance as soon as possible to get relief funds.
These things can be done little by little, she advised, because even an hour is exhausting.
“There's just going to be times where you just sit and cry, and cry and cry and cry. Then, if you only get one thing done in the day, at least you've allowed that grief to be happening, because it's gonna go on for a while … it's not fine, it's a catastrophe," Miller said.
For Paradise resident Pam Hartley, checking off one small thing from the list was helpful for her mental health. Even if it was something as simple as cooking dinner, once she had a place to cook.
“That gave me a sort of a purpose. Go to the grocery store, get food, plan some meals, do some cooking. Sort of like trying to make your life as normal, I suppose, as you can," Hartley said.
When Hartley evacuated, there were flames in her driveway. Traffic on the main route out of town was at a standstill. On advice from her husband, she veered into the empty oncoming lane to escape. Other cars followed as the fire got closer.
She said there is no standard for how to recover from that kind of trauma.
“If it takes you a long time to reprocess and recover, it's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. Either because everyone does recover at their own pace, and certainly depending on the sort of trauma that they had in escaping the fire.”
She and her husband had owned a candy shop in town for 18 years, which they sold to their son and daughter-in-law a few months before the fire. The candy shop, her son’s house, her house and her mom’s house were all lost in the fire.
She grieved for the things her family lost, her town, those who died and the loved ones who lost them.
“I think for me, it sort of seeped in slowly. Or I would only let it in sort of slowly," Hartley said.
Joe Wills was a resident of nearby Butte Creek Canyon and lost his home in the Camp Fire. He is a now licensed marriage and family therapist who works with other fire survivors.
After a catastrophe like this, he said, it is inevitable for survivors to try to look back on what they could have done differently.
“You probably tried to do the best you could at the time, and a fire, a wildfire, a devastating wildfire, is not something any of us create. It does happen to us, but it's not something that anyone can foresee completely. And we live with the consequences, but we also try not to be too hard with ourselves," Wills said.
Lāhainā residents were let back in Friday to see what was left of the town. Wills echoed the warnings of local county officials: wear protective clothing and a mask, beware of hot, toxic ash and avoid stepping into debris.
But emotionally, he said, there really is no way to steel yourself for picking through the ashes. His advice stands true for recovery as a whole, “I'm not sure there's any way to do it right, or do it wrong. You just have to do it.”
